This episode of Tosh was pretty good. It starts off with a video of a skateboarder coming down a hill really fast under an overpass where there's a loop waiting for him, which looks like a roller coaster loop grounded to the floor.
He comes down fast, and instead, he just smashes right into it.
Tosh says "nothing good ever happens under an overpass."
I couldn't find the original but here's a sick one. Warning, it looks like it hurts:
2 pigs doing it
This video is of two pigs doing it and if you never saw a pigs penis now's the time to look, but don't say I didn't warn you.
Warning: this video may question your manhood.
Tosh goes, "Look, Snooki filmed herself getting pregnant." and then says "no more neck strain giving head, thanks to his bendy staw."
2 kids fall out of van in the Middle East
"That's how you drop the kids off for suicide bombing practice."
"You know who's really good at killing kids there ... The US army." Haha, Funny... but not funny.
Tosh does a skit about this and says the only bad part about delivering babies is waking up so early and then starts driving around the neighborhood throwing babies out of the car window like they're newspapers. This was funny. Imagine if it were like that in real life. Guys would no longer have to watch the birth process.
Tosh then says, "Jewish babies are coupons. Asians are sudoku . Black babies are sports illustrated."
Girl's birthday cake
In this video, a girl is having a sweet sixteen party and her friends and family are singing her happy birthday when suddenly, the woman sitting next her smashes her face in the cake. What's even more hilarious about this clip is that the girl just keeps her face in and doesn't move for a while. It's like she's dead. How is she even breathing?
Tosh goes, "You might not have to buy her anything next year," and calls it "the most depressing sweet sixteen ever."
The next video he shows is of a kid lighting his ass on fire and then jumping off a bridge into water.
Garbage man going crazy
This video is of a garbage man truly going bananas while trying to dump someone's trash can into the garbage truck. Something is stuck and he can't get it out. He then just slams it and throws it down. When done, he starts breaking their mailbox. What's crazy about this clip is that after he does all this damage he starts picking up all the trash and makes sure there's nothing left.
I imagine that's exactly how anyone who picks up trash feels. Tosh says, "don't get mad get glad" and does a video break down on it.
Little girl skiing freefall
A father records his daughter as he teaches her how to ski. She's skiing down a slope in front of him as he films it from behind skiing down with her. But then she just picks up speed and can't stop herself. The dad cant catch up to her. He then keeps yelling at her franticly, "Pizza...Pizza...do a pizza"
I'm assuming that's the method he taught her to stop with but she can't get it. Eventually she collapses and tumbles down the slope.
Girl MMA chokes guy to unconsciousness
This video is an MMA fight but it's between a guy and girl and the girl wins, but what happens is that she actually chokes the guy into unconsciousness and he can't even tap out. Then Tosh goes, "Usually girls put guys to sleep by telling them about their day, but not him."
Tosh describes MMA as having combined elements of judo, boxing and "wearing the ugliest clothes you can find."
He goes, "they say guys can't hit girls but Ryu [street fighter] has been beating the shit out of Chun Li for years."
"If UFC is so popular why can't I name more than three fighters."
Tosh dies a web redemption on this but calls it a Web Rematch. He interviews the two fighters. It turns out the girl is 29 years old and the kid is 17. He approaches them first while there sitting in a locker room and he puts the girl in head lock. She looked like she was about to flip him over for a second there.
Tosh interviews each of theme separately and they flip between the interviews.
"The irony is when you dress like this I want to punch you in the face," he says to the girl.
It turns out the kid is 17 and tosh says, "man I have girlfriends your age."
When the kid says he choked her unconscious, tosh asks him if he climaxed.
Then he asks the girl what the sound is like when your taking the life of another human and she says, "Gargling"
She explains how the referee tried to bring him back by lifting his feet up and tosh goes, "That's all they do?" [to bring someone back]
When tosh asks the kid why he lost he says it was the last fight of the night and he was tired. Tosh asks the girl if she ever tapped out and she says, "almost everyday."
Tosh asks, "Have you ever lost an argument with a man?"
"I don't know many women who have."
He asks the kid, "How embarrassed was your father for losing to a girl?"
"We don't talk about it."
"You have a great head of hair."
Tosh then trains with them both.
He wrestles with the girl and cuddles with her and asks her, "How do you get out of this?" then whispers, "The answer is ... you don't."
The guy and girl have a rematch and it was actually a really good fight but the girl taps out and the guy wins.
In the next segment Tosh starts poking fun at local restaurants and how they serve "butter stored in the arctic circle"
Then someone in the office says, "You'd rather it be too hard than too soft."
He talks about how the tables are too close together and says about their lemonade, "How much can one squirt of that pink shit cost?"
Then he jokes about how they always run out out of chocolate chip cookies but always have available a batch of weird cookies like, "Cranberry oatmeal cookies"
So he goes why don't you simply make, "One less batch of disgusting cookies an a thousand more batches of chocolate chip."
Tosh does a segment called "Less is more comedy corner" with Chelsea Peretti who talks about the awkwardness for a woman having to eat a banana in public.
Tosh ends with a video of him flying a rocket pop into the sky.
Bonus clip & next weeks web redemption: Guy falling off cliff