If you were old and rich would you upgrade your dick and get a better one than you already have? Thats what Louie would do.
Reading glasses for masturbating
In Louie's standup before the story starts he says that when he masturbates his dick is blurry because he can't see it, but when he wore reading glasses next time around he found out his dick was still blurry.
Selling your dick to rich old men
He then asks the question why old rich men don't upgrade their dicks like women upgrade their breasts. He said if he could he would want the brown dick of a dead 22 year old puerto rican track star.
Not only would he upgrade his dick he wear both so he'd have 2 dicks on for a while. LMFAO. Louie is a sick mofo.
Girlfriend won't shut up
These couple of scenes were hilarious because this chick created an entire story that he is breaking up with her all by herself over lunch. Louie doesn't say a word. She keeps telling him to talk but then interrupts him with her own thoughts of why he wants to break up with her and she keeps predicting his thoughts out loud.
"You just want to break up with me... Oh my god. Oh my god. Are you breaking up with me??"
Louie doesn't want to break up with her. She just makes up the whole story while he stays quiet and she storms off leaving him with the two meals.
I know how he feels. You have to see this skit. Women always want you to say something, expecting some amazing response from you about something. Not only are guys not that articulate, most guys don't even like to talk about "girl" stuff like that.
Why do girls always look for hidden meaning?
She comes back to him later to ask for her laptop and when he asks her to stay, she's like we'll what do you mean by "stay." when he's like I just mean stay she creates more story to herself and says that he doesn't really mean it.
She says things like:
"You could save yourself another divorce... And years of false living."
Louie just lets her leave and outs his hand on his head. I'd do the same thing.
Trying to talk with a cast on
Louie gets into a motorcycle accident because of some douchebag riders who were popping wheelies behind him and when he's at the hospital the doctor gives him a cell phone to call home but he can't use it because his entire head, including his ears, are covered with the cast.
We do stupid shit like that. You just don't realize you can't do something until you try and then you're like the wtf was I thinking.
The taxi driver that won't come to a full stop
When he comes out of the hospital he's like trying to catch a cab but the cab driver like won't come to a full stop. Louie puts out his hand and right when he thinks he can reach for the door the cab driver pulls up a little. He does it twice and then the driver just drives off.